Parenting Responsibly to Empower Children
Posted on Tue, Jan 17, 2012
Remember those assets we started talking about before the holidays? (Check out our December 2011 blog for a refresher.) We focused on supporting our children last time. Today we're going to talk about empowering our children. This is one of my favortie categories because we can--and should--start empowering our children from a very young age. This ultimately is what keeps them safe and sets them up for success in their day-to-day lives.
The first empowerment asset is belonging to a community that values and cherishes young children. What exactly does that mean? When we're dealing with young children, this means taking them to child-friendly places. I'm sure you've already figured this out when it comes to places like restaurants--some restaurants are just better set up to deal with and even encourage having children there. What about movies? My kids were at least 5 or 6 before they could sit through a full-length movie in the theater. So when everyone else in the family wanted to see a movie, one of the grown-ups would volunteer to either stay home with the child that was too young or we'd go but agree to leave whenever said child couldn't sit still or be quiet any longer. Same deal for other events--my oldest son loves music and when he was young, he really wanted to see a conductor up close and personal. So we got tickets to a local symphony concert, talked about how it was really a "grown-up" place and what a special treat it was for him to go to this. We stayed for the first song or two, and then we left--well before the end of the concert because he had seen enough and had reached his limit of "grown-up" behavior. Some people may feel like doing things this way amount to wasted money. And maybe it does. But we went into these events with our minds made up that we would leave when he needed to and not feel guilty about missing part of the concert.
To further empower our children, we also want to see them as resources. Think of this as assigning children jobs or responsibilities. Anything that helps children feel useful counts here. Again, I'm sure you've heard this before, but children can do things around the house like set the table, put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, pick up their toys. Now I know it's faster if we just do it ourselves, and I also know that with pre-school children this really means you're doing the job with them and not just delegating. But this is so important to making our children feel capable and competent. Nothing gives a child greater joy than being asked "Could you help me with this?" Notice the phrasing, by the way--not "Do this" and not "Would you please do this" but "would you help me do this?"
Another important asset to empowering our children is teaching them about service to others. This can be as simple as "taking care" of their stuffed animals. I used to pretend-play putting the animals to bed, feeding them, making them feel better. From pre-school on, I also helped my children sort through their toys (I tried to do this at least once a year) and decide which toys they could give to other children who might not have any toys. We did the same thing with Halloween candy--each year we shipped some of it overseas to soldiers. Even today my children talk about the soldiers who are so far from home they can't get candy, and we want to make them feel special because of the job they are doing for us.
And the last empowerment asset has to do with safety. This includes things like teaching children their full name, phone number and address. (It breaks my heart when I hear of a lost child at the mall who tells you his first name and can only tell you that his mother's name is "Mommy.") This also includes establishing rules with your child like, you always hold a grown-up's hand at the mall, or you always ask before you run over to pet a dog, or you never leave the backyard without a grown-up. We all have our own rules that work for us and our children.