Are You an Asset Builder?
Posted on Fri, Dec 09, 2011
Wouldn't you love a checklist that would tell you how to keep your child safe from sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll as they become teenagers? Well, I recently discovered such a list--it is developed by The Search Institute. Each of the items on their list is called an asset and there are 40 of them. They say the more assets a person has, the more likely he/she will be able to resist temptation/peer pressure to do bad things.
They have grouped these 40 assets into 8 different categories: support, empowerment, boundaries and expectations, constructive use of time, commitment to learning, positive values, social competencies, and positive identity. Within each category there are 3-6 different specific assets.
Support
I want to spend some time on each of the asset categories over the coming weeks, so today I'd like to start with the Support category. The idea behind this category is that young people need to be surrounded by people who love, care for, appreciate, and accept them. Now that seems like a no-brainer, right? But let's look at the specific assets within this category, and see if this is really happening for your child.
Family support and positive family communication
If you're reading this blog, I think it's safe to say you can check off family support from the list. Positive family communication is a little harder to assess when we're dealing with children under 5. Maybe it helps to think of it as offering choices to your child: would you like to get dressed or brush your teeth first? How often do you give your child choices? Do you explain why you have to say "no" when you do?
Other adult relationships
Other adult relationships is one of my favorite ones--Search Institute specifically defines this to be 3 or more nonparent adults. WOW--I'm not sure my kids had this many "other adult relationships" when they were little. Both of my children bonded well and strongly with their parents. So well, in fact, that they often clung to us and refused to go with other adults. I wish I had been a bit more deliberate about finding other adult relationships for them. All of our extended family lives far away, so I couldn't rely on them to fill this role when my children couldn't even talk on the phone yet. When I look back on their pre-school days, I'm struck by the teachers who made a difference in their lives. They each had at least 1 teacher (either at pre-school or in another activity) that really connected with them. Regular carpool friends also proved to be a great way for my kids to bond with another adult.
Caring neighborhood
Caring neighborhood can be tough, depending on your neighborhood. If there are other children in the area, this is probably not hard to accomplish--we easily find other parents in similar life stages as our own. But what if you don't have children in your neighborhood? It's still important for children to feel connected to their community. I especially value relationships with people at different life stages. There's a lot to be gained from the senior citizen who has already raised their family, or from the young couple who has just married and doesn't have kids yet, or from the parents of teenagers. All of these people have value to add not to your child's life, but also to yours. Do you have someone nearby you can call in an emergency to help take care of your child? Would your child be comfortable with that person? Does your child know the names of your immediate neighbors? Do your neighbors know your child's name and would they feel comfortable helping your child in an emergency?
Caring school climate
Caring school climate (whether a pre-school or daycare or babysitter) means the adults in charge of your child have to genuinely enjoy spending time with children (and shockingly, there are teachers and caregivers out there who don't really have a passion for children). The only way to tell the good from the bad is to get to know them. Talk with them regularly about your child--this includes formal meetings with them about your child, but it also means sharing anecdotes with them from time to time that will help them connect to your child. Does your child talk about his teachers at home? Tell the teacher that--they love this kind of feedback! Did your child talk about something they did at schoolt hat day? Tell the teacher so they can talk about it more with your child. Watch how the teacher interacts with your child, too. Do they make your child feel special and a part of the class? Do they "get" your child's personality--the good and the bad?
Parent involvement in schooling
Our kids really do pick up on how involved we are with their school. Volunteer to help in the classroom or chaperone field trips whenever you can. If helping during the school day doesn't work for your life, then ask the teacher what other things you could do--cutting shapes for an upcoming project, sending in a special snack, coordinating a book fair order for the class. These are all things that allow your child to say "My Mommy (or Daddy or Grandma) did that." Besides the volunteer commitment, it's also important to get to know the names of the other children in your child's class (and their parents' names, too!). One of the things I do at the beginning of every school year with my children is talk to them about the other children in their class: which friend do you sit next to? Which friend(s) did you play with today? Who did you eat with today? Who's cubby is next to yours? This also helps them learn the names of the friends in their class (and I use that word: at this age, we are all friends) and it signals to them that this is important information to learn.
-posted by Amy Shinohara, Director of Hearts & Minds Music
Stay tuned for information about the other assets!!