Posted on Mon, Oct 25, 2010
I recently came up with a new technique to use when my 5-year-old is having a temper tantrum. After one of these recent episodes (and the subsequent time-out), I sat down with him and gave a (very) rudimentary explanation of how his brain works.
Whenever he gets out of control–either with anger or crying or whatever–he tells me “My brain was controlling me.” So I, in turn, remind him that he controls his brain.
I told him that when he feels out of control, it’s because the part of his brain in the back of his neck (the brain stem) has taken over. This is the part that lets us know when we’re hungry or tired or hurt. In grown-up terms, this area controls the fight-or-flight response. It’s essential to our survival, but it’s also the part that causes people to behave “like animals.”
What differentiates people from other animals is our pre-frontal cortex (part of the frontal lobe, right behind your forehead). It is this part of the brain that allows us to problem-solve and think rationally. So I explained to my 5-year-old that he has to get the top part of his brain working to control the bottom part. How do you do this? By breathing. It’s as simple as that. Not just normal breathing, mind you, but the deep breaths that yoga teachers always want us to use.
I have frequently used some sort of breathing technique with both of my children, but they start to resist my game-like approach to this at a certain age. So now I’m giving them the real, scientific rationale (in kid-friendly terms, of course) to help them help themselves. So far (all of about a week), it’s worked like a charm. Check back with me in a couple of months to see if it’s still working. . .
Posted on Fri, Oct 08, 2010
I have come to appreciate this saying so much more since becoming a mom. For new moms, especially, motherhood can be an isolating experience. And quite frankly, I still have days when I need the support of friends to wade through the turbulent waters of parenting.
It’s nice to know other children behave as mine do (when they’re at their worst!). And it’s nice to discover other grown-ups that have a good influence on my children.
I’m only one person and I can’t always be all things to my children. I have found the single most important aspect in choosing activities is the grown-up/teacher in charge. I seek out adults who connect with my chidren and truly care about my child. I have even driven 30+ minutes to go to classes, even when there was a similar class much closer. Why? Because the influence these teachers have on my children is monumental. Especially on my short-tempered days, I need these people more than ever to remind me of the good in my children.
In an era that commonly has people with 1000+ facebook friends (I kid you not–I don’t think I even know that many people by name, let alone consider them friends), making meaningful face-to-face connections is so important. And it’s becoming harder to do. How do you help your kids feel connected to a community (and not an online one)?
Posted on Thu, Aug 26, 2010
It’s that time of year again, when everyone is busily researching and signing up for activities for their kids. In these few weeks before our semester begins, I’m probably asked the question “Why should I take your class” more times than the whole rest of the year.
Over the years, I’ve found that there are a few typical reasons people choose our classes. Sometimes it’s about socialization–either for Mom or for the child. Let’s face it, mommyhood can be isolating and even (dare I say it?) boring at times. What better way to meet like-minded mommies and discover fun new ways to interact with your child throughout the week? And young children need to be taught how to interact with other children–sharing, taking turns, listening, cooperating.
Another very common reason people enroll is for the child development and educational aspects of our classes. All of our classes include tons of information on the different ages and stages of your child. Ever wondered if your child is the only one who throws things? Or the only one who gets shy when people speak to him? (I promise you both of these are developmentally normal at certain ages and your child is most definitely not the only one doing either of these things.)
And then there are the people trying to carve out a special time in their week to just be with their child and focus all their attention and energies on her. Truthfully, this is what brought me to my first Kindermusik class. I always tried to maximize this time by tacking on a special lunch out before or after class. My youngest was almost as excited about this part of the deal as he was about the class itself.
What I didn’t know when we started Kindermusik was that I would not only get that special bonding time with my child, but I would also get so much more–more than I had ever realized I needed or wanted.
So join us, and discover for yourself the richness of a Kindermusik class.
Posted on Thu, Jul 15, 2010
How does that old saying go? Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Boys are made of frogs and snails and puppy dog tails. In my own experience, I have found that mothers of boys know without a doubt that boys and girls are born different. More and more research is bearing this out.
Granted, as the mother of 2 boys, I am biased. But having seen hundreds of children in my classes over the years, there do seem to be some striking patterns. For example, girls are frequently more compliant and participative in classes (hmmm, does this suggest something about our educational philosophy? a topic for another time–). Boys tend to have a single focus, like cars or balls or trucks. This single-mindedness persists into adulthood–women can usually multi-task much more easily than men can.
But we have a unique opportunity to influence the development of our children’s brains when they are young. Learning disabilities are more prevalent in boys than in girls. This is because most learning disabilities are the result of one hemisphere of the brain (usually the right one) being deficient in some way. We can strengthen the connections between the two sides of our brains simply by crossing the midline of the body.
If you’ve been in a Village class with me, we do this every week when we criss-cross and have baby’s hand touch the opposite foot. The brain is an amazing thing and can compensate for all kinds of things, if given the opportunity to do so. So by crossing the midline, we’re helping one side of the brain compensate for the other in any areas that may be weaker.
For more information about this topic, check out this article I found: http://www.optionsforfamilies.org/blog/brain-development-is-the-difference-between-boys-and-girls-all-in-their-heads/
Posted on Sun, Jul 11, 2010
My Nana recently passed away and I feel compelled to pay some sort of tribute to her. I don’t quite know why or how it happened, but she was a huge influence on my life. This despite the fact that we never lived in the same town (in fact, we were never closer than a 2-hour drive, and for much of my life it was closer to an 8-hour drive).
In my family, we always heard stories about Aunt Lottie and Aunt Hattie (who lived and died before I was even born). Each of these ladies possessed a great gift: one had music and the other had art. Nana always proclaimed that each of her grandchildren seemed to have one of those 2 gifts. For me, it was music.
There was always a very conscious approval of my pursuit of music. I do believe that music was a gift I inherited at birth, but I also think my continued pursuit of it had a lot to do with Nana. She frequently made arrangements for me to play piano in her local church on Sundays when I was visiting. She travelled to many of my recitals. And my senior year in high school, when I played a piano concerto with our high school symphony, she made the trip (in this case, a 3-hour flight!) just to see my performance.
Nana used to travel a lot to foreign countries. Each place she went, she brought back stories and a special gift representing that country. Nana always said that Latin was by far the most important language anyone could study because so many other languages had their origins in Latin. So when it came to time for me to pick a language in school, I chose Latin (and stuck with it, even though the teacher was not one of the more popular ones).
She loved gardening and flowers. The funny thing is, I resisted the gardening bug all through my childhood. But wouldn’t you know, after I had my first child, I found myself drawn to gardening and it’s now one of my favorite pursuits. Nana was a teacher–another instinct I fought all my childhood. And now I teach, too.
So I guess the question I’m left with is, how did she wield such a positive influence on me?
I think she did it by actively caring and involving herself in my life. She knew my friends’ names and asked about them often. It was a special treat for me to bring friends to Nana’s house and stay for a weekend. They were always so impressed with everything–I think because it was just different. Nana lived on a farm overlooking the Shehandoah River in a house that was built over a century ago (by relatives of ours).
That’s another point–she gave us such a sense of history about our family. It was a big deal that we still had the original land deed from King George for this property. And growing up, I was always surrounded by stories of our family–past and present. So even as a child, I was exposed to lots of “grown-up” conversation about the importance of family, history, language, and, yes, music. It made me want to grow up so I could become a full-fledged part of those conversations.
I watch my mom exert this sort of influence over my children now, and I take great satisfaction in knowing they are developing a close relationship (again, in spite of not living anywhere near each other). Who is the Nana in your life and what made them so important to you?