Hearts and Minds Music, LLC

It’s that time of year again, when everyone is busily researching and signing up for activities for their kids.  In these few weeks before our semester begins, I’m probably asked the question “Why should I take your class” more times than the whole rest of the year. 

Over the years, I’ve found that there are a few typical reasons people choose our classes.  Sometimes it’s about socialization–either for Mom or for the child.  Let’s face it, mommyhood can be isolating and even (dare I say it?) boring at times.  What better way to meet like-minded mommies and discover fun new ways to interact with your child throughout the week?  And young children need to be taught how to interact with other children–sharing, taking turns, listening, cooperating.

Another very common reason people enroll is for the child development and educational aspects of our classes.  All of our classes include tons of information on the different ages and stages of your child.  Ever wondered if your child is the only one who throws things?  Or the only one who gets shy when people speak to him? (I promise you both of these are developmentally normal at certain ages and your child is most definitely not the only one doing either of these things.)

And then there are the people trying to carve out a special time in their week to just be with their child and focus all their attention and energies on her.  Truthfully, this is what brought me to my first Kindermusik class.  I always tried to maximize this time by tacking on a special lunch out before or after class.  My youngest was almost as excited about this part of the deal as he was about the class itself.

What I didn’t know when we started Kindermusik was that I would not only get that special bonding time with my child, but I would also get so much more–more than I had ever realized I needed or wanted.

So join us, and discover for yourself the richness of a Kindermusik class.

How does that old saying go?  Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice.  Boys are made of frogs and snails and puppy dog tails.  In my own experience, I have found that mothers of boys know without a doubt that boys and girls are born different.  More and more research is bearing this out. 

Granted, as the mother of 2 boys, I am biased.  But having seen hundreds of children in my classes over the years, there do seem to be some striking patterns.  For example, girls are frequently more compliant and participative in classes (hmmm, does this suggest something about our educational philosophy?  a topic for another time–).  Boys tend to have a single focus, like cars or balls or trucks.  This single-mindedness persists into adulthood–women can usually multi-task much more easily than men can.

But we have a unique opportunity to influence the development of our children’s brains when they are young.  Learning disabilities are more prevalent in boys than in girls.  This is because most learning disabilities are the result of one hemisphere of the brain (usually the right one) being deficient in some way.  We can strengthen the connections between the two sides of our brains simply by crossing the midline of the body. 

If you’ve been in a Village class with me, we do this every week when we criss-cross and have baby’s hand touch the opposite foot.  The brain is an amazing thing and can compensate for all kinds of things, if given the opportunity to do so.  So by crossing the midline, we’re helping one side of the brain compensate for the other in any areas that may be weaker.

For more information about  this topic, check out this article I found: http://www.optionsforfamilies.org/blog/brain-development-is-the-difference-between-boys-and-girls-all-in-their-heads/

My Nana recently passed away and I feel compelled to pay some sort of tribute to her.  I don’t quite know why or how it happened, but she was a huge influence on my life.  This despite the fact that we never lived in the same town (in fact, we were never closer than a 2-hour drive, and for much of my life it was closer to an 8-hour drive).

In my family, we always heard stories about Aunt Lottie and Aunt Hattie (who lived and died before I was even born).  Each of these ladies possessed a great gift: one had music and the other had art.  Nana always proclaimed that each of her grandchildren seemed to have one of those 2 gifts.  For me, it was music.

There was always a very conscious approval of my pursuit of music.  I do believe that music was a gift I inherited at birth, but I also think my continued pursuit of it had a lot to do with Nana.  She frequently made arrangements for me to play piano in her local church on Sundays when I was visiting.  She travelled to many of my recitals.  And my senior year in high school, when I played a piano concerto with our high school symphony, she made the trip (in this case, a 3-hour flight!) just to see my performance.

Nana used to travel a lot to foreign countries.  Each place she went, she brought back stories and a special gift representing that country.  Nana always said that Latin was by far the most important language anyone could study because so many other languages had their origins in Latin.  So when it came to time for me to pick a language in school, I chose Latin (and stuck with it, even though the teacher was not one of the more popular ones). 

She loved gardening and flowers.  The funny thing is, I resisted the gardening bug all through my childhood.  But wouldn’t you know, after I had my first child, I found myself drawn to gardening and it’s now one of my favorite pursuits.    Nana was a teacher–another instinct I fought all my childhood.  And now I teach, too.

So I guess the question I’m left with is, how did she wield such a positive influence on me?  

I think she did it by actively caring and involving herself in my life.  She knew my friends’ names and asked about them often.  It was a special treat for me to bring friends to Nana’s house and stay for a weekend.  They were always so impressed with everything–I think because it was just different.  Nana lived on a farm overlooking the Shehandoah River in a house that was built over a century ago (by relatives of ours).

That’s another point–she gave us such a sense of history about our family.  It was a big deal that we still had the original land deed from King George for this property.  And growing up, I was always surrounded by stories of our family–past and present.  So even as a child, I was exposed to lots of “grown-up” conversation about the importance of family, history, language, and, yes, music.  It made me want to grow up so I could become a full-fledged part of those conversations.

I watch my mom exert this sort of influence over my children now, and I take great satisfaction in knowing they are developing a close relationship (again, in spite of not living anywhere near each other).  Who is the Nana in your life and what made them so important to you?

It’s hard to watch a parent assume the worst about his/her child.  That may sound obvious, but we’ve all been guilty of this at some point. 

Little children often do things with no motivation other than that they can.  For example, throwing things.  As adults, we often assume this is a malicious act or at least bad behavior.  But there is a point when children don’t fully grasp the mechanical processes necessary to hold onto something without letting go.  “Throwing” can really just be losing control of an object.

Another example is a child who ”misbehaves” in class.  All too often, the parent then assumes the worst of the children (he’s so willful, he’s deliberately doing this to push my buttons).  In 99% of cases, neither of those statements is true.  When children misbehave, they’re telling us something.

Sometimes that something is as simple as I’m hungry or I’m tired.  Sometimes it’s indicative of a larger problem–maybe the child has a processing delay or some other developmental need that is preventing them from being successful at a particular activity.

Regardless of the cause, we can help both our children and ourselves if we learn to frame the behavior in a positive way.  Instead of jumping to the worst conclusion, take a moment to observe your child and see if you can figure out what she’s telling you.  You probably will know immediately if we’re dealing with a biological issue (tired, hungry, etc.).  The developmental issues will be tougher to tease out and will probably require some professional assistance (doctors and teachers who work with similar-aged children can be invaluable resources).

Children are not born malicious.  Look for the good in their intentions and I promise you will feel better about your child and that will translate into your child feeling better about himself.

Does it sometimes feel like lots of kids have developmental delays?  I sometimes wonder if the prevalence rate of various things is actually going up or if we as a society are just becoming more aware of them.  But I also think we are expecting more and more of our children at younger and younger ages.

Case in point: my youngest (who is 5) appears to have some fine-motor skills delays.  As a parent (and an early childhood educator), I’m torn over how to handle this.  On the one hand, it is not unusual for children (especially boys) of this age to struggle with hand-writing or cutting with scissors.  In some countries, they don’t start teaching children to write until at least the age of 7 (when brain research indicates children are primed to learn such things).  So I could just wait this out and trust that it will develop normally in due time.

But we live in a culture that believes children should learn to write at a much younger age.  Kindergartners are generally expected to already be able to write their names by the time they start school.  And they are expected to have mastered the entire alphabet (upper case and lower case) by the end of the kindergarten year.  And I don’t want my son to be turned off or frustrated by his school experience.

So what to do?  Well, I’ve looked into occupational therapy for him.  But it turns out my insurance plan doesn’t cover these services because they see this as merely a “developmental delay.”  And the services are astronomically expensive (meaning, I can’t afford to pay for them out-of-pocket).  So I will probably end up taking a wait-and-see approach, combined with some serious focus on playing with play-dough, coloring pictures, cutting shapes, and all the other activities I can think of that help strengthen fine motor skills.

But I am fortunate enough to be well-educated and knowledgeable in early childhood development.  What about people who aren’t as lucky?  I see this as more than just a personal issue–it is a societal one as well.  If we as a society are going to ratchet up our educational expectations, then we also need to be prepared to ratchet up support services to meet these goals.

Becoming a mother changes you.  It changes everything about you and you’re left trying to find some sliver of the identity that existed before kids.  And while many of us spend some time mourning the loss of that carefree existence, we also relish carving out that new identity for ourselves as Mom.

I am amazed at the different types of mothers I encounter on a daily basis–all doing things in our own way, but all finding ways to do right by our kids. For some of us, that involves giving our time to friends and organizations in need (several of our moms at Hearts & Minds Music have organized toy-drives and other events to help neighbors and friends in times of crisis).  For some of us, it means leaving a corporate career behind in pursuit of part-time jobs or even sole proprietor businesses that allow us to work AND be home with our children (within our Hearts & Minds community, we have some amazingly talented entrepreneurs).  For some of us, it means finding the right childcare arrangement to provide all the opportunities we want for our children (again, my hat is off to our Hearts & Minds moms who send their child to class every week with a relative, friend, or nanny–but still communicate with me regularly to be sure their child is doing well and want to know all the details about how class is going). 

I’m so proud to live in an era when people have the opportunity to create the perfect niche for themselves.  I thank each and every one of you for being a role model for me.  I learn from you every day what it means to be “a good mother.”  Celebrate all the mothers in your life this weekend and make sure to celebrate yourself as well.

I love to garden.  And I love that my kids are getting in on the action, too.  From the time they were very little, I’ve encouraged my kids to “help” in the garden.  Of course, their version of “helping” sometimes requires me to spend more time fixing things afterwards.  But it’s the thought that counts, right? 

Watering is probably their favorite garden activity.  Give them a hose (especially one that has the different control settings on it) and they’ve never been happier.  There’s lots to discover with a garden hose.  For example, just how far can the jet setting reach?  And what is the difference between the straight setting and the angle setting?  Will jet spray smash Mommy’s flowers to the ground if the hose is directly above them?  Over the years, they’ve learned the subtle differences between gently showering the pansies and really blasting the hose to reach the viburnum at the top of our hill. 

Every spring, we celebrate the arrival of our “babies.”  The babies in our garden are the plants just emerging from the gound and we pay extra special attention to them to make sure they don’t get trampled on by our feet. 

We’ve established a little section of the garden that we call “the boys’ garden.”  In this area (and, yes, it’s tucked away where not everyone will see it), the boys pick their own flowers to plant and help tend to them throughout the growing season.  It’s a great way for them to have a little responsibility of their own and for me to pass on one of my passions at the same time.

When I was a child, my mother worked very hard to ensure I would have no pre-conceived notions about what girls could or couldn’t do.  When my brother and I played doctor, she made me the doctor and he the nurse.  And so it went.

Flash forward to becoming a parent myself.  I still believed I could do it all–full-time job, full-time mommy, and full-time wife.  No wonder I spent so much of my first year as a mother being angry and stressed!  No one can do it all by themselves.  I think this is more an American phenomenon, too–when I talk to people from other countries, it seems like they much more willingly ask for and accept help.

Help can come in many forms.  For me, it includes having babysitters I can rely on (one for during the week and one for weekends) and it includes having someone clean my house every week.  I have friends who never cook–for them, help means getting take-out (and with the wide variety of stores that now cater to this, the options are limitless and much healthier than in the past).

As my children have gotten older, help also comes in the form of assigning tasks to them.  My 5-year old loves anything involving a spray-bottle (plus it uses his fine-motor skills, which he struggles with).  So his job is to spray the kitchen cabinets once a week.   My 9-year old is a control-freak (can’t imagine where he got that from!) so his job is to purge the mountain of paperwork that comes home from his school every week. 

Now, if only I could get the dog to wipe her paws when she comes in from outside. . .

It seems like such an obvious thing, but trust is one of the most important things we can give our children.  By trust, I don’t mean we trust them.  I mean we allow them to trust us.  And contrary to what some believe, trust is not an automatic thing. It must be earned – carefully, consciously, consistently.

Trust begins to develop in infancy simply by having basic needs met.  And it evolves a bit in toddlerhood with boundary-setting.  This is the age when, as parents, we have to start establishing limits with our children.  And as hard as it can sometimes be to tell our children no, they actually need to learn how to deal with the “no.” 

You can see the same evolution of trust happen in a classroom with a skilled teacher.  You have to start by letting a child get to know you and feel safe with you – physically safe, but also emotionally safe.  I had a child in class recently who needed to be reminded how to play with the instruments appropriately.  Now this is a child who is slow to warm up to people and resistant to corrections of any type.  But because as a class, we had worked so hard to make this child feel comfortable in our group, the child ultimately accepted our corrections and happily joined instrument play in a much more appropriate manner. 

I find that in every new situation or with every new person, my kids need some time to just feel comfortable and begin to trust.

Many parents instinctively feel that music will be of great benefit to their child’s growth and development but may not be able to articulate why. Research has proven that music is one of the few activities in life that stimulates both sides of the brain. The right side of the brain takes in the whole experience of the music—the emotion, the phrasing, the rhythm. The left side of the brain focuses on the patterns in music—the melodic line and the individual notes. When we listen to music, or even better, actively participate in making it, the two sides of our brain build stronger connections and communicate better with each other. These connections are then used in myriad other ways throughout our lifetimes.

What’s the right age?
As a Kindermusik educator, I am often asked when a child should begin to take private music lessons. The answer to this question varies substantially from one child to another. First, there is the child who demonstrates a strong interest in and aptitude for music and specifically, in playing an instrument. Signs of this include a child who spontaneously sings or dances with or without music playing in the background, and directly asking for music instruction.

I was such a child. From a very young age, I wanted to play the piano. So persistent and single-minded in this passion was I, that at the age of five, my mother finally acquiesced and allowed me to take piano lessons. It was an instant love affair that persists to this day. If your four or five year- old is consistently expressing an interest in a particular instrument, then by all means, sign her up.

For the vast majority of children, though, pushing them into private lessons too soon will only frustrate them (and you) and will perhaps permanently diminish their love for music. A commonly used rule of thumb is that a child should be able to read and write before they begin lessons because this is a good indicator of the ability to recognize symbols. However, there are other considerations as well.

In order to learn the details of an instrument’s technique and to read music, the brain needs to be ready for more linear learning (think about learning to read: first, you learn the letters, then the sounds the letters make, and only then can you start to put them together into words). Also, fine motor skills need to be highly developed, as well as attention spans—important for sitting still and focusing on a task with an adult for about 30 minutes at a time. For most children, then, somewhere between the ages of seven and ten is usually a good starting point for private lessons.

Come join us in our studio on April 5 at 7:30 for more discussion on this topic.